Just about everyone who practices divorce law has had the conventional wisdom pounded into their head that financial and money problems lie at the heart of most divorces. At least we are told that people are capable of working things out if only they could create some financial stability for their household.

A recent study shows that our conventional wisdom regarding divorce is apparently incorrect. Two researchers in the sociology department of Pennsylvania State University, Paul R. Amato and Denise Previti, analyzed questionnaires submitted by divorcing spouses between 1980 and 1997 to try to determine what caused the breakdown of the marriage. Amato and Previti were able to identify 17 unique causes of divorce.

The most common causes of divorce are surprising to no one:

• Infidelity (indicated in 21.6% of cases)
• Incompatibility (indicated in 19.2% of cases)
• Substance abuse (indicated in 10.6% of cases)

However, a surprising take away for me is that none of the top responses involve money. 3 of the 17 identified causes of divorce had a financial component to them:

• Not meeting family obligations (which related more to homemaking, but nevertheless had a “bread winning” component was indicated in only 3.4% of cases)
• Employment problems (indicated in 3.4% of cases)
• Financial problems (indicated in 2.4% of cases)

Here is the full table summarizing the results of Amato and Previti’s study:

Love is all you need? Tips for spouses trying to avoid divorce.

Marriages require work. A lot of people are raised to think that being a good earner for the family is enough to create a happy, healthy marriage and family unit. That is apparently wrong. But, the other end of the spectrum–working on love exclusively–is just as wrong. Communication, bonding, creating happiness for your spouse, and being compatible with your spouse are every bit as important as love and providing for your family.

Most people seeking a divorce will first make efforts–either in a formal marriage counseling setting or on their own–to fix the problems they are experiencing with their spouse. If you are reading this post and your marriage is on the rocks, it may be helpful to walk through each of the 17 causes of divorce and figure out what applies to your relationship (and needs work) and what doesn’t.

Divorce is not a lot of fun. Even less fun is the bill you receive from your attorney for your divorce in McHenry County, Illinois. Here are a few tips that will help keep your bill down.

1. Collect your thoughts before you reach out to me.

I am more than happy to speak with you all day long, but I will bill you for every minute of that time. If you call me nine different times regarding nine different issues, your bill will be much higher than if you call me only once and save those nine questions for that one phone call. Keep a note pad with all of your questions for your divorce attorney. Use that note pad to make fewer, more productive phone calls.

2. Use email, not the phone.

Most attorneys provide better, more complete answers to questions in writing than over the phone. It takes less time to respond to emails than it does to talk on the phone.

3. Understand your attorney’s role in the divorce case.

Divorce clients tend to want their attorney to be a therapist, social worker, police officer, and problem solver in addition to being a lawyer. I have no problem helping you vent about your soon-to-be ex-spouse, but the truth is that you will likely have a more productive therapy session with a therapist. Before reaching out to your lawyer, you should ask yourself “Is this something I hired my lawyer to deal with?” I can promise you that your therapist’s hourly rate is lower than mine.

4. Don’t hide things from me.

Did you take your girlfriend for a weekend in Las Vegas? Do you have a separate apartment? Did you spend a couple thousand dollars on the kids for Christmas? If you did something that you do not want your soon-to-be ex-spouse to know about, you should tell me. I can’t help you unless you let me.

Common-law marriages create all sorts of headaches for governments and courts. In its simplest form, a common-law marriage is a marriage that can arise in some jurisdictions without having been registered with the government. Because these marriages are unregistered, someone (either a judge or bureaucrat) must determine on a case-by-case basis whether two people are actually married when they attempt to file a joint tax return, seek to have a tax-free inheritance, look to adopt a child, attempt to establish the paternity of a child, seek health insurance through the spouse’s employer, and in many other contexts. These determinations consume a significant amount of government resources, and therefore governments dislike them.

As of the date of this post, common-law marriage exists in only nine states (plus Washington D.C.). Illinois is not one of them.

If you so desire, you can still be deemed to have a common-law marriage in nine states, Alabama, Colorado, Kansas, Montana, Rhode Island, South Carolina, Texas, and Utah, and the District of Columbia. There is a dispute as to whether common-law marriage still exists in Oklahoma, and common-law marriage only exists in New Hampshire for purposes of distributing property at the death of one spouse. In all other states, including Illinois, you cannot obtain a common-law marriage and must apply for a marriage license if you desire to be married.

The Full Faith and Credit Clause (art. IV, sec. I of the US Constitution) requires the individual states to recognize the “public acts, records, and judicial proceedings of every other state.” If you became common-law married in a state that recognizes common-law marriage, Illinois must recognize your marriage.

Long-term cohabitation is dangerous for significant others in Illinois who sacrifice their career for the relationship.

Courts award spousal support (occasionally called “alimony”) to divorcing spouses who sacrificed their career and education to maintain the marital home. There is no such thing as spousal support, alimony, or “palimony” for unmarried persons. Illinois courts have flatly refused to recognize palimony since 1978, explaining that “it is not appropriate for this court to grant legal status to a private arrangement substituting for the institution of marriage sanctioned by this State.” See Hewitt v. Hewitt, 77 Ill.2d 49, 394 N.E.2d 1204 (Ill. 1979).